Embrace Control: Overcoming Anxiety and Giving Yourself Permission
Sometimes, attending events or engaging in specific activities can be challenging due to various reasons, with fear being a prominent factor. This fear can range from mere discomfort to full-blown social anxiety, occasionally leading people to isolate themselves.
One clever strategy to manage this fear is to set a time limit. For instance, you might decide to attend an event for only 30 minutes or commit to listening to just the first song. This approach provides a sense of safety, knowing you're not locked into a lengthy commitment. It's like dipping your toe in the water instead of diving headfirst. Surprisingly, those who use this trick often end up staying much longer than their initially imposed time limit.
However, clients frequently share that they used this tactic but then downplay their success in overcoming anxiety. They may feel like they "cheated" in some way because they initially planned to leave early. In reality, it still counts. I often ask if this approach made it easier for them to attend the event, and the answer is almost always a resounding yes. This leads to a deeper conversation about what it means to give yourself permission.
Giving yourself permission to leave if you feel the need is a powerful act of taking control. When you do this, you acknowledge that you have the authority to set boundaries for the event. If you go and don't enjoy it, you can leave. If you're having a great time, you can stay. This sense of control is at the core of the anxiety that holds many people back from participating in social activities.
Acknowledging your own control can be challenging, but when you give yourself permission to leave early, you are essentially stating that you are in control. The fear of being in an uncomfortable or unenjoyable situation can be lessened by the realization that you can terminate the situation at any time. You are in control.
While it's true that there's much in life that we can't control, we can always control whether we stay and for how long. We can react to the situation and recognize the control we have over ourselves. This realization is the key to feeling safe – recognizing where we do have control and giving ourselves permission to exercise it.
One clever strategy to manage this fear is to set a time limit. For instance, you might decide to attend an event for only 30 minutes or commit to listening to just the first song. This approach provides a sense of safety, knowing you're not locked into a lengthy commitment. It's like dipping your toe in the water instead of diving headfirst. Surprisingly, those who use this trick often end up staying much longer than their initially imposed time limit.
However, clients frequently share that they used this tactic but then downplay their success in overcoming anxiety. They may feel like they "cheated" in some way because they initially planned to leave early. In reality, it still counts. I often ask if this approach made it easier for them to attend the event, and the answer is almost always a resounding yes. This leads to a deeper conversation about what it means to give yourself permission.
Giving yourself permission to leave if you feel the need is a powerful act of taking control. When you do this, you acknowledge that you have the authority to set boundaries for the event. If you go and don't enjoy it, you can leave. If you're having a great time, you can stay. This sense of control is at the core of the anxiety that holds many people back from participating in social activities.
Acknowledging your own control can be challenging, but when you give yourself permission to leave early, you are essentially stating that you are in control. The fear of being in an uncomfortable or unenjoyable situation can be lessened by the realization that you can terminate the situation at any time. You are in control.
While it's true that there's much in life that we can't control, we can always control whether we stay and for how long. We can react to the situation and recognize the control we have over ourselves. This realization is the key to feeling safe – recognizing where we do have control and giving ourselves permission to exercise it.
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